Twas the Night After Thanksgiving (Part 2)

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A new day has come!
Sunlight, it abounds!
And so he then rises
And heads into town.

After food down his gullet
And shopping galore,
He’ll unpack the replacements
And finish his chore.


“I found a new penguin!”
He squealed like a twat,
“With a fourth Doctor scarf
And cute Santa hat!”

Finally, his nemesis,
The prickly tree
That year after year
Would make his hands bleed.

But this year’s was different!
He used foresight for once!
He was tired of not learning
From mistakes like a dunce.

He pruned back the branches
When the leaves were still green.
And now, de-fanged,
It wasn’t nearly as mean.


The lights all wired!
The bird’s nest was done!
Time to head inside,
And configure the fun!


And so his task finished,
He’d gotten his wish.
For it now be Christmas,
All up in this bitch.

“Ho merry ho-mas!
Am I sayin’ it right?”
You can now stop reading,
Cuz I’m done (for tonight).


Twas the Night After Thanksgiving (Part 1)

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He awoke half past noon,
Said “Eff it, let’s start!”
For Christmas was something
So dear to his heart.

He opened the closet,
And said with a twitch:
“It’s ’bout to be Christmas
All up in this bitch.”

One by one tested strands,
Most did come alight!
“Doin’ good,” he thought,
“We might be a’ight.”


And then came the part
That he dreaded the most.
The frozen-ass ground
Refuses his post.

(“That’s what she said!” shout you
And you would be quite right!
For she says lots of things
That I will have by tonight.)

And so he did cheat
Like a dubious ass,
But dammit that pole
Slid right into dat grass!

(“Also what she said!”
We get it, you’re quick!
You arrogant prick!)


The lights were all hung
On the gutter with care,
‘Cuz he didn’t want to fall
Onto the pavement bare.

His ass cheeks cold,
And his fingertips numb,
He swore at the roof:
“Feckin’ gutters are dumb!”

And so the sun set
On his efforts that day,
But resume he tomorrow
To make Christmas gay.

(“Ha! He said ‘gay’!
Herp derpitty doo!”
I meant it’d be happy,
Not pushin’ in poo.

It’s how people said things,
Way back in the day.
So go read a book,
And be on your way.)

Continue to Part 2 >>